On A Christmas Eve...

Christmas Eve night - it's bitterly cold.  And it's clear. The night is lit by thousands of shimmering stars and my path to the barn is illuminated.  No need for a flashlight.  Darkness doesn't exist in this starlit sky.

Oh, it's cold.  So frozen the boards to the deck crack under my weight.  The snapping of the boards make me think of all the children with their faces pressed to frosted windowpanes hoping for a glimpse of Santa and his sleigh while harried parents busily wrap presents and assemble toys.

Days of anticipation for so many culminating in this one frigid night.

In the barn, the horses are resting in their stalls.  I can hear them munching on hay and for a while, I get lost in the sound of them chewing.  It's a relaxing sound; rhythmic, pleasing, soothing. I could sit for hours just listening to them chew hay.

Reluctantly, I switch on the lights and the atmosphere changes.  Nickers from all around me.  Anticipation of what is to come.

I switch on the radio to my favorite Christmas carol channel.  Not the new ones that are so sanitized but a station playing the older favorites.  I sing along "Joy to The World The Lord Is Come" and my spirits soar.  Earth preparing to receive The King.

I start to fill small feed buckets with warm water and begin to mix in their special mash.  Soon the aroma of peppermints fills the air.  I go from stall to stall lingering with each horse, talking to them, petting them and feeding them their mash.  My heart is soothed from the friendship I share with my horses.  They ask nothing from me yet they give me so much in return.

I turn off the lights, let the music continue playing.  The barn is awash in starlight.  Contented horses sigh.

I have nothing philosophical to share.  No witty analogies.

I can only tell you that on a Christmas Eve, oh so cold, where stars magically light up the sky, darkness doesn't exist.

Merry Christmas to you.  May you find joy in the simple pleasures in life and may faith always guide you on your darkest nights.

Starting Again

Fall surely was fleeting this year and winter arrived early.  Temperatures have been below zero nightly and snow surrounds us.

Lots of things have been happening on the farm.  Another foal was born; a beautiful cremello filly with sparkling blue eyes.  Born in October, I've named her Bewitched by Autumn Mist.

And I've started hiking with the pigs.  Yes, pigs.  I've found they like to travel at a slower pace which suits me just fine at the moment.  But when they know we're headed back home, they make a beeline for their dinner dishes.

I've enjoyed watching the foals turn into young fillies and I'm always photographing them.

One day, my teeny, tiny little girl found a dog door and a new game was discovered.

Dawn has been particularly lovely these frozen days.

And while the scenery is enchanting and the animals are delightful, I have been struggling.  And when every task seems insurmountable, it's easier to become more depressed so I started making lists to get myself moving again and at the top of my list is:  Give Thanks.  And for a while, I only managed to succeed at doing that one thing on my to do list but that one thing for me was critical.  It's changed my perspective and helped me find focus again.  Prayerful thanks at the beginning of each morning.

On my list has been to start writing again.  Weeks have passed and that item still remains so today I'm picking up my blog again and going to start writing.  I'm out of practice and the words don't come easily.  I have no idea yet the direction I'll take or where my words will lead me.  I only know it's something I need to do.

So until the words flow freely, I shall share with you pictures of this frozen paradise I call home.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and I'm so glad to have you here!

With A Little Help From My Friend

I haven't felt like writing in a long time.  Although I detest using the word overwhelmed that is exactly what I've been.  Every day has brought new challenges and disappointments and while I've struggled, the weather has been anything but pleasant.  Day after day of unrelenting gray skies, freezing temperatures and wind have made me wonder if the sun would ever shine again.

There's been a lot of activity on the farm.  I've added pigs.  Two Kune Kune pet (neutered) barrows.

They are amazing creatures who have brought me much joy during these dark days.

And we have a new foal; a black filly born on my sister's birthday.

I've been spending hours watching her explore her world.  To witness her birth and to watch her progress every day has been an experience I shall always cherish.

But I'm struggling.  I feel old.  I ache and I'm tired.  One day, after doing barn chores and finding myself in excruciating pain, I actually researched retirement communities.  I envisioned myself soaking in the pool, having lunch with the ladies and living a civilized, old lady kind of life.

But the moment passed....quickly.  I can't imagine ever living anywhere but out in the country surrounded by nature and the animals I love.

And if you've ever been in a cycle where every day brings new problems and challenges, you'll understand how hard it is to keep pushing yourself.  It's easier to just lie on the couch with the television droning on and allowing yourself to sink further into inertia.

Then just when your problems seem insurmountable; as if one more thing going wrong will topple your fragile self, a ray of hope appears.

For me, it was our first warm day.  The sun was shining, no wind was blowing and for once I didn't have to be shrouded in winter apparel.  I went high on the hill to the top of the pasture and sat facing the mountains glistening in the sun.

Soon, my donkey, Jacob, came to visit me and he sat down right beside me, just like a dog would sit beside you.  I put my arms around him and had a good cry and then we sat quietly.  I don't know what he was thinking but he must have known I needed a friend.  And I was thinking that once again prayers are always answered.

I can't same I'm totally okay again.  But I'm better.  And I have hope.  And I shall climb out of the pit of despair.  With a little help from my friends.