With A Little Help From My Friend

I haven't felt like writing in a long time.  Although I detest using the word overwhelmed that is exactly what I've been.  Every day has brought new challenges and disappointments and while I've struggled, the weather has been anything but pleasant.  Day after day of unrelenting gray skies, freezing temperatures and wind have made me wonder if the sun would ever shine again.

There's been a lot of activity on the farm.  I've added pigs.  Two Kune Kune pet (neutered) barrows.

They are amazing creatures who have brought me much joy during these dark days.

And we have a new foal; a black filly born on my sister's birthday.

I've been spending hours watching her explore her world.  To witness her birth and to watch her progress every day has been an experience I shall always cherish.

But I'm struggling.  I feel old.  I ache and I'm tired.  One day, after doing barn chores and finding myself in excruciating pain, I actually researched retirement communities.  I envisioned myself soaking in the pool, having lunch with the ladies and living a civilized, old lady kind of life.

But the moment passed....quickly.  I can't imagine ever living anywhere but out in the country surrounded by nature and the animals I love.

And if you've ever been in a cycle where every day brings new problems and challenges, you'll understand how hard it is to keep pushing yourself.  It's easier to just lie on the couch with the television droning on and allowing yourself to sink further into inertia.

Then just when your problems seem insurmountable; as if one more thing going wrong will topple your fragile self, a ray of hope appears.

For me, it was our first warm day.  The sun was shining, no wind was blowing and for once I didn't have to be shrouded in winter apparel.  I went high on the hill to the top of the pasture and sat facing the mountains glistening in the sun.

Soon, my donkey, Jacob, came to visit me and he sat down right beside me, just like a dog would sit beside you.  I put my arms around him and had a good cry and then we sat quietly.  I don't know what he was thinking but he must have known I needed a friend.  And I was thinking that once again prayers are always answered.

I can't same I'm totally okay again.  But I'm better.  And I have hope.  And I shall climb out of the pit of despair.  With a little help from my friends.