My Frozen Lake

My blog has been open for one year.  I've barely touched it and when I have it's been a chore trying to find my way back to writing again so I've let it sit.

For me, 2013 was a difficult year in many ways and struggle was the main theme of the year.  I haven't wanted to write about it time and time again as most people look to blogs for some lighthearted fun or an escape and I have had none to offer.  So my blog has sat untended.

Until recently I had an ephiphany, right before New Year's and I knew in my heart everything would be okay in the end.  Call it an answer to a year's long prayer as I do or call it intuition but the fog that has surrounded me has started to lift.  And I realized it's time for me to take action and I've decided to start writing again.

God speaks in mysterious ways and for me it was an NCIS Los Angeles episode entitled "The Frozen Lake."  I've been a fan of the show since it started but lately the growing relationship between the two agents, Kensie and Deeks, has been the most enjoyable part of the show.  

One night, they leave dinner together and we are left to imagine what happens.  Not so unique in itself as a story line but the dialog in the next episode to me was so profound.

So I quote the dialog from "NCIS Los Angeles, the episode "The Frozen Lake."

"I'm standing on my frozen lake. …Your frozen lake is the name for what you want the most in the world and you want it, you want it so bad that you'll do anything to get it. And your heart takes over. But because of that, it destroys you in the end. It's right there, just sitting in the middle of this frozen lake, and you think you're fast enough to go out and grab it before the ice cracks." – Kensi

"And what you don't realize is you're already standing on the ice and it's falling apart around you." – Deeks

I heard those words and immediately wish I had thought of them for that has been my life in 2013.  I crossed that frozen lake fast enough to grab what I wanted most in the world and then I found myself with the ice cracking around me and wondering how I make it back to safety.

I will not explain more nor will I dwell on 2013 because I'm certain without a doubt that everything will be okay.  

It's faith that pushes me forward, faith that ensures I don't give up and faith that lights my way.

I'm sitting on the ice in the middle of a frozen lake and it's cracking all around me but I see in the distance help is on the way and I am at peace.

May your 2014 be filled with moments of joy as you continue on your journey.

On A Christmas Eve...

Christmas Eve night - it's bitterly cold.  And it's clear. The night is lit by thousands of shimmering stars and my path to the barn is illuminated.  No need for a flashlight.  Darkness doesn't exist in this starlit sky.

Oh, it's cold.  So frozen the boards to the deck crack under my weight.  The snapping of the boards make me think of all the children with their faces pressed to frosted windowpanes hoping for a glimpse of Santa and his sleigh while harried parents busily wrap presents and assemble toys.

Days of anticipation for so many culminating in this one frigid night.

In the barn, the horses are resting in their stalls.  I can hear them munching on hay and for a while, I get lost in the sound of them chewing.  It's a relaxing sound; rhythmic, pleasing, soothing. I could sit for hours just listening to them chew hay.

Reluctantly, I switch on the lights and the atmosphere changes.  Nickers from all around me.  Anticipation of what is to come.

I switch on the radio to my favorite Christmas carol channel.  Not the new ones that are so sanitized but a station playing the older favorites.  I sing along "Joy to The World The Lord Is Come" and my spirits soar.  Earth preparing to receive The King.

I start to fill small feed buckets with warm water and begin to mix in their special mash.  Soon the aroma of peppermints fills the air.  I go from stall to stall lingering with each horse, talking to them, petting them and feeding them their mash.  My heart is soothed from the friendship I share with my horses.  They ask nothing from me yet they give me so much in return.

I turn off the lights, let the music continue playing.  The barn is awash in starlight.  Contented horses sigh.

I have nothing philosophical to share.  No witty analogies.

I can only tell you that on a Christmas Eve, oh so cold, where stars magically light up the sky, darkness doesn't exist.

Merry Christmas to you.  May you find joy in the simple pleasures in life and may faith always guide you on your darkest nights.