Moving Forward

Greetings again!  Here, summer is already merging into fall as the temperatures drop into the 40s at night.  It's been an amazing summer in so many ways.  Two new foals have been born, both little fillies, and now four incredible KuneKune pigs have joined my life but in other ways it has been a winter, spring and summer of hardship and learning.

Growing up did you ever hear the phrase "God Helps Those Who Help Themselves?"  My Mother would say this constantly if I wanted something or started whining.  This phrase is ingrained into my psyche but as I slid into a bleak depression this winter, I totally forgot about action.  I've been faced with many life changing obstacles and for someone who can't stand change, I've been overwhelmed and in despair.  "What to do?" has been the main theme humming in my brain as I've gone about my chores and worked with my animals and lost myself for hours watching my Facebook feed.  But the answers have eluded me and I would jump from one thought to the other in a never ending, self defeating circle.  Every day, multiple times a day, I prayed but I think I was expecting God to answer my prayers by changing my life without me ever having to do anything.

Life is hard and difficult choices have to be made.  There's no easy way out except to walk through that pain and push on to the other side.  And I've realized without hope and enthusiasm and a joy of life, I'll never keep digging that pit of despair deeper and I won't be able to climb out.

I'm putting my thoughts into action.  One tiny step at a time.  God has given me all the answers and support I need and now I need to help myself with Him at my side.

I'm going to start writing again.  I know at first it will feel awkward but that's okay.  I have to start again somewhere.

I will cherish what I have at this moment and not worry about what I may lose tomorrow or what struggles are in my future.  Here and now, I will act.

I want to add that depression is a serious medical condition and if you feel you need help, please seek it out.  I have had the guidance of a therapist (no, I'm not ashamed to admit it) and wonderful friends who have been there to listen.

And to leave you on a positive note, I'll share a picture of one of the horses in my pasture.  As always, thanks for visiting me.

An Absence of Action

I'd love to be writing humorous posts filled with uplifting thoughts and I will be soon but I have a lot of serious issues on my mind and although I am at peace when I'm outside with the horses or my beloved dogs, I still have a decision to make that is weighing me down.  What that decision is doesn't really matter.  At times, we are all faced with personal decisions that are momentous in our lives.  And as the fog permeates the photo above, so has a fog of inaction descended on my life.

Back and forth I've gone all winter; not really doing anything.  Then I started taking baby steps towards my goal.  But I haven't gone any farther.  I'm afraid to take those final steps.

And I realized the other day as I basked in the sun at the top of the pasture, looking out over the mountains that are so dear to my heart, that taking no action is really an action in itself.  Not to act maintains the status quo.  And I have an aversion to change.  But sometimes change is a necessary part of life.  Just because change is difficult doesn't mean it isn't warranted.

I've spent hours in prayer asking for guidance.

I know what needs to be done.

But I don't act.

Today I pray for the courage to follow through.